What would happen if I just left? What would happen if I just one day decided to pick up and leave, move to a new place where I didn't know anyone, and no one knew me? Yeah, people would wonder where the hell I was. But then slowly, slowly, they would forget I existed at all. It just happens that way. It happens all the time. Name for me right now 5 people you were in Kindergarten with. Can you do it? I'm talking about first and last names. I can't. And yet, then I was friends with these people, we talked every day. I could tell you their first names, their last names, and their middle names. But now I can only think of 5 people who were in my Kindergarten class, but I can only remember 2 or 3 whole names. And I love names and I love details about people. But the kids from my Kindergarten class, we slowly drifted apart and now I only remember one birthday, but that's because we went all the way through high school together.
Slowly, we all disappear.
I haven't had a truly happy day in a long time. I make a point of laughing everyday, but there is always something to dampen the mood. I haven't had a truly and completely happy day in months. I'm tired. I'm so tired. I'm tired of school, of forms, of loans, of work. And I'm starting to get a little tired of myself. I want to curl up in a ball on the floor and wait till Christmas... when I can go home.
I need Saturday to come already. I need something that I know from home. I've seen Bain Mattox twice in Charlotte, and by some act of God, they've come to NYC. Hopefully it'll be the taste of home that'll hold me over until December. God, I hope it's sweet.
I don't know what I'll do if it isn't.
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