I'm getting restless again. I can feel it. Like, I need to move, to travel, to go somewhere I've never seen before, but the mere thought of doing it is exhausting. I'm not totally sure what to do anymore.
I have decided something recently, though. I am done with the Northeast. For so many years, I thought that New York was it for me, you know? This was the place to be, the place I had to be in order to even survive. I don't even know why. I have delusions of grandeur I suppose. Or maybe it comes from my family, or society, or whatever the hell else it could come from. But I realized something, and I think this is big: I don't need to be here anymore. Yes, I would miss being so close to so many things, especially when, whether against better judgment or not, I have become so attached to easily accessible entertainment. The possibility of seeing a celebrity out on the street. Going into the city on a whim to grab bagfuls of Swedish candy, or to see a concert that I wouldn't necessarily seek out, but hey, it's here, it's close, what the hell? It's all going to be so hard to leave.
Oddly, the people I've met here, and the connections I've made... I don't think those would be that hard to leave. I have great friends here. There are people here who know my secrets, who know what makes me cry and what makes me laugh and what kind of shit I live for. But I could leave. Because I know they'll still be here, and there is always Facebook. Beautiful, flawed, annoying, omnipresent Facebook. I suppose then, this goes for people I know everywhere. Maybe what I need to do is go somewhere where I don't know anyone, and just start anew.*
*God, I feel like I'm saying the same things that I've said so many times already here. If you read my blog, I probably just sound like a crazy person, complaining about the same shit day after day (or month after random month, as the case may be for me).
I need something new and exciting. I need some new opportunity. I need.
I've recently become obsessed with the idea of Austin, TX. I don't know what it is. I say I've become obsessed with the idea Austin because I have never been there, and I know virtually nothing about it. It's hipstery, but it's not NYC. It's got music and art and movie houses and lots of awesome things that I know I love. It's a "young" city. It's a liberal city in a conservative state. I know these things, and the idea sounds nice. I need to go visit. I need to scrape together my money, and just go, and see what it's like. But I know I won't do that. Because I never do anything I mean to do.
My cousin is going there for SXSW. I'm sending him on a recon mission.
