Wow, it's been 16 days since I had that dream. It feels like so much longer ago. Whatever it meant, I guess it's either not come true (which I good, I guess), or I'm not listening to it (which could be bad). I mean, nothing has changed. So I guess I'm in this sort of stasis, balancing delicately between potentially bad and potentially good. I guess it's an alright place to be until a mind (any mind) is made up.
That said, let's change topics. I have become ridiculously obsessed with HBO's True Blood. It's a sickness. I'm pretty sure I now eat, sleep, breathe and even bathe in True Blood. That sounds gross, but it's an effective metaphor. I'm not sure what it is, the "real" characters, the passion, the vampires, the actors. Something about it is drawing me to it like a moth to light. The pull was pretty bad last season when it first aired. That's when it first became my drug of choice. I would take my first hit on Sunday at 9pm, then another at 12am, then at least one a day until the next new episode on the next Sunday. But that was the extent of my addiction last year. I waited eagerly for each new episode and once it was presented to me, devoured it heartily. But that was it.
Season 2 is a whole new monster, though. Before it even started, I decided (whether good or bad) to read all the books on which the characters and show are based. The first season was based on the first book in the series, the second season on the second. Presumably the third season will be based on the third book, but we'll have to wait for that. But I decided that I would allow myself to get ahead of my drug, and just read all of the books. I read 9 books in about 25ish days. I can't remember the exact count. That is incredibly fast for me. I was chowing down a book in 1-3 days each. I read one and I needed to know what happened. This need pushed me through each book, desperate for the next literary fix. I suppose this was my fatal flaw: the need. Because once all 9 books had been put away, I had nothing.
Or did I? I actually finished reading the books after the second season started, if memory serves (it was, after all, 11 weeks ago. I'm allowed to be hazy). Something was different this year though, once the show started. I had just moved to a new apartment about 2 weeks before the start of the season. After making sure we had HBO, I invested in an DVR. Let me tell you, this is a God-send. I don't know how I existed before my DVR. Now I was able to record my drug and watch later if I wasn't able to watch it in real-time. But the DVR also just contributed to the sickness. Instead of having to catch the episodes on linear airings on the various incarnations of HBO, now I had True Blood at my fingertips. All I had to do was hit that DVR button. And so, I watched on Sunday, at least once on Monday (more if I caught a linear airing), once on Tuesday (more if I caught a linear airing), once on Wednesday (more if I caught a linear airing)... I think you get the picture. So now, suddenly, I'm devouring my drug in a much heavier dose.
Any minute I expect to overdose, but the monster just keeps growing. I can't get enough. And its effects are getting much stronger. Last year, I could sit comfortably on my couch, watching and emoting silently. This year, a few episodes have affected me to the point of much louder emoting and even physical reactions. A few times I have taken to spending the hour standing in front of the TV, too anxious to sit. One of those times, the episode even brought me to my knees, tears welling in my eyes (seconds before one of the characters fell to his knees, tears running down his face, I might add haha). It has become a part of me. I've even pre-ordered the soon-to-be-released TruBlood beverage -- the nutritious synthetic blood developed by Japanese scientists that can be consumed by vampires to satiate their thirst and biological needs. Of course mine will just be a blood-red orange flavored soda, but it's just a more physical way for it to become part of me, for me to own it.
But what I can't figure out is why? Why has this become so special for me? Why do I devote so much time, effort, and soon, money to this work of fiction? What about it affects me so strongly, to the core, that makes me behave this way? Is it the show itself? Or is it something about me? Or both? Maybe I'm drawn to it because I see so much of myself in the characters. Maybe, deep down, each and everyone of them is me. Do I actually live in Bon Temps?
(to be continued...)
(maybe...)
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Monday, August 10, 2009
Epic Dream: A Metaphor for Spiritual Healing?
I had a really weird dream last night. I don't usually share my dreams here, electing to record my nighttime journeys in a journal, usually only for me to read, but the one I had last night seemed oddly worth sharing. Maybe because I have no clue what it could mean. The imagery, too, was shocking, and its implied metaphors have actually got me a little scared. Scared of what? Of God? Of healing? I'm not sure, because I'm not sure how that would apply to me. Maybe one of you can help.
The details of the dream are pretty muddled. Not sure how it started or what was going on. I was walking through some town, which I guess was South Orange, but instead looked more like a medieval European town that I am not familiar with. I was walking along. There were other people out on the sidewalks. I ducked down an alley to go another way. I think I must have been on my way to a bar. This seems to be the general feeling of the beginning of the dream. Then suddenly I am with 3 other people, all of whom are girls that I know in the dream, but now, upon waking, have no clue as to their identities. So we are walking behind this beautiful stone building. Turns out it is a private (Catholic?) school. It is built upon a lush, rolling green hill. This hill has scattered mini brick walls throughout. We are trying to make it up this hill, over and around these brick walls to make it to the street on the other side. Now, we know we are not supposed to be here; we are trespassing. But still we continue up and over these walls and the hill to get to our destination.
Then, suddenly lights are flashing and a siren screams. We've been spotted. Two of the girls are farther up the hill than I and the other girl had made it. They scramble to the top. We can't make it, however, because these mini walls are growing taller and taller, blocking us in, making it impossible to go over or around. So we turn back down the hill. There are walls growing there, but they are easier to bound over. The hill slopes sharply down, ending abruptly into a river some feet below us. Across the river, close, but too far to jump, is another piece of land. If only we can get over there! We scramble down the hill toward that piece of land. I am more concerned with getting myself there, but I never lose the feeling of this other girl being near me, trying to save herself as well. Then suddenly a piece of rock juts out from our side of the hill, out across the river, to connect with the other piece of land. This rock turns into a slide. Though frightened, I set my jaw, and re-determine myself to get to the other side. I let myself go and I slide.
I'm on the other side! I made it. The other girl is with me too. So, we're running along the green land, trying to find a way back to where we had come, but a giant stone wall, part of the school's facade perhaps, is standing in our way. From where we are on this little island, there is no way back. We are looking for a way out when suddently I find a tower, a castle turret, it seems. I fling open the door and pour myself inside onto the stone steps leading up, up, up. I begin to climb. The tower just keeps going up. Up and around, a spiral staircase hugging the walls of the cold, beige stone tower. I keep going up. There are little slit windows. I look out one, but I can't remember what I see. Suddenly, the stairs change direction. Instead of climbing the stairs with the wall to my right, suddenly the wall is to my left, but I am still climbing up, up, up.
Then, finally, I reach the top. There is a little wooden door. I open it, and beyond I see only blue sky and clouds. This is Heaven. God is out there, I know it. I turn to speak to the girl who had followed me up. "This is it," I said. "This is the way out. We have to jump." Up so high where nothing can be seen below, I peer out into the open blueness of "Heaven." Initially scared, I take a deep breath. Then, just like before, I let myself go, and I dive head-first out of the tower.
Now I'm falling, falling, falling. The clouds, the blue sky, all zooming past me, and yet I'm not scared, nor am I falling all that fast. In fact, it's more like I'm floating down softly, down to where I will be safe. Suddenly there are two more people by my side. One is a man and one is a woman, but I have no idea who they are. I'm still floating, but I'm no longer in the sky. I'm floating above my bed, my room lit dully with the gray of a barely waking sun. Then they are gone, and I am safe in my bed. In my dream, I am in my bed, and I am awake and safe.
I'm not really awake. I'm just "conscious" of the fact that I am awake in my dream. I sit up (and this is where the whole ooh Godly metaphor becomes completely ridiculous), and reach for my drink on the side table. It is a lime-flavored Zima (what?!?). I can taste it. It's fizzy and citrusy. Someone says something to me about it, but I don't know who it was or where they came from. I don't even see them. I laugh. And then suddenly I'm making out with someone, but I don't know who that was either. Josh Rouse? That doesn't feel right, but I think it kind of looked like him. Can't be sure. And then I woke up. For real this time.
I laughed at the Zima and the making out. But it wasn't until a few hours later that I suddenly got a flash of falling out of the God-Tower. What is that about? I'm in awe, and a little frightened. There was such a feeling of peace, immediately after my flash of fear. Almost like God telling me, it'll be okay. "Whatever it is you're scared of, let go. It will be okay..."
If only I knew what He was talking about...
The details of the dream are pretty muddled. Not sure how it started or what was going on. I was walking through some town, which I guess was South Orange, but instead looked more like a medieval European town that I am not familiar with. I was walking along. There were other people out on the sidewalks. I ducked down an alley to go another way. I think I must have been on my way to a bar. This seems to be the general feeling of the beginning of the dream. Then suddenly I am with 3 other people, all of whom are girls that I know in the dream, but now, upon waking, have no clue as to their identities. So we are walking behind this beautiful stone building. Turns out it is a private (Catholic?) school. It is built upon a lush, rolling green hill. This hill has scattered mini brick walls throughout. We are trying to make it up this hill, over and around these brick walls to make it to the street on the other side. Now, we know we are not supposed to be here; we are trespassing. But still we continue up and over these walls and the hill to get to our destination.
Then, suddenly lights are flashing and a siren screams. We've been spotted. Two of the girls are farther up the hill than I and the other girl had made it. They scramble to the top. We can't make it, however, because these mini walls are growing taller and taller, blocking us in, making it impossible to go over or around. So we turn back down the hill. There are walls growing there, but they are easier to bound over. The hill slopes sharply down, ending abruptly into a river some feet below us. Across the river, close, but too far to jump, is another piece of land. If only we can get over there! We scramble down the hill toward that piece of land. I am more concerned with getting myself there, but I never lose the feeling of this other girl being near me, trying to save herself as well. Then suddenly a piece of rock juts out from our side of the hill, out across the river, to connect with the other piece of land. This rock turns into a slide. Though frightened, I set my jaw, and re-determine myself to get to the other side. I let myself go and I slide.
I'm on the other side! I made it. The other girl is with me too. So, we're running along the green land, trying to find a way back to where we had come, but a giant stone wall, part of the school's facade perhaps, is standing in our way. From where we are on this little island, there is no way back. We are looking for a way out when suddently I find a tower, a castle turret, it seems. I fling open the door and pour myself inside onto the stone steps leading up, up, up. I begin to climb. The tower just keeps going up. Up and around, a spiral staircase hugging the walls of the cold, beige stone tower. I keep going up. There are little slit windows. I look out one, but I can't remember what I see. Suddenly, the stairs change direction. Instead of climbing the stairs with the wall to my right, suddenly the wall is to my left, but I am still climbing up, up, up.
Then, finally, I reach the top. There is a little wooden door. I open it, and beyond I see only blue sky and clouds. This is Heaven. God is out there, I know it. I turn to speak to the girl who had followed me up. "This is it," I said. "This is the way out. We have to jump." Up so high where nothing can be seen below, I peer out into the open blueness of "Heaven." Initially scared, I take a deep breath. Then, just like before, I let myself go, and I dive head-first out of the tower.
Now I'm falling, falling, falling. The clouds, the blue sky, all zooming past me, and yet I'm not scared, nor am I falling all that fast. In fact, it's more like I'm floating down softly, down to where I will be safe. Suddenly there are two more people by my side. One is a man and one is a woman, but I have no idea who they are. I'm still floating, but I'm no longer in the sky. I'm floating above my bed, my room lit dully with the gray of a barely waking sun. Then they are gone, and I am safe in my bed. In my dream, I am in my bed, and I am awake and safe.
I'm not really awake. I'm just "conscious" of the fact that I am awake in my dream. I sit up (and this is where the whole ooh Godly metaphor becomes completely ridiculous), and reach for my drink on the side table. It is a lime-flavored Zima (what?!?). I can taste it. It's fizzy and citrusy. Someone says something to me about it, but I don't know who it was or where they came from. I don't even see them. I laugh. And then suddenly I'm making out with someone, but I don't know who that was either. Josh Rouse? That doesn't feel right, but I think it kind of looked like him. Can't be sure. And then I woke up. For real this time.
I laughed at the Zima and the making out. But it wasn't until a few hours later that I suddenly got a flash of falling out of the God-Tower. What is that about? I'm in awe, and a little frightened. There was such a feeling of peace, immediately after my flash of fear. Almost like God telling me, it'll be okay. "Whatever it is you're scared of, let go. It will be okay..."
If only I knew what He was talking about...
Monday, August 03, 2009
Summing Up
Damn! I'm getting bad at this again :(
I know I still haven't posted the pictures of my fun times out on July 17th. I'll get around to it eventually, haha. Believe me, it was really cool and dorky, and maybe a little creepy, but I wasn't there alone, so who am I to judge?
I finally finished Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban. It lost me a little in the middle but had a really cute ending. I want to read the others, but for some reason they're always hard to track down from the library. Probably because they're technically children's books, and we all know how children treat books (though, honestly, I didn't treat books poorly when I was little. I treated them like prizes, still do, which is probably why my stuff is always in good condition. Plus, I still do the Pineville Tuck, haha). Oh well. In high contrast, I think I might start reading Atlas Shrugged soon. It's supposed to be enlightening and earth-moving/shattering and inspiring and all that crap. I figured I'll be an adult and give it a go. But at 1,000+ pages... we'll have to see, haha. What I really want to read is Pride and Prejudice and Zombies haha. It seems really clever and funny. We'll see.
Oh! I also bought a new guitar on Friday. My old one was falling apart, and I was afraid to play him. The bridge was lifting, which for you non guitar-speakers, means that the wooden part that holds the strings on to the body of the guitar is starting to give way to the 300+ lbs of pressure exerted by the strings. It gives way all the way, and it'll rip off of the guitar with the force of... well... with a lot of force. I was starting to fear being smack in the face with the spring-action of the broken bridge, so I decided to go ahead and make a new investment. My new guitar is pretty. He's a vintage sunburst Epiphone PR150. I'll show you pics of that too :)
Otherwise, not much is up. I've been really into Hopes and Fears by the band Keane. If you don't know them, check them out. That album is awesome :)
That's all for now!
christina
I know I still haven't posted the pictures of my fun times out on July 17th. I'll get around to it eventually, haha. Believe me, it was really cool and dorky, and maybe a little creepy, but I wasn't there alone, so who am I to judge?
I finally finished Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban. It lost me a little in the middle but had a really cute ending. I want to read the others, but for some reason they're always hard to track down from the library. Probably because they're technically children's books, and we all know how children treat books (though, honestly, I didn't treat books poorly when I was little. I treated them like prizes, still do, which is probably why my stuff is always in good condition. Plus, I still do the Pineville Tuck, haha). Oh well. In high contrast, I think I might start reading Atlas Shrugged soon. It's supposed to be enlightening and earth-moving/shattering and inspiring and all that crap. I figured I'll be an adult and give it a go. But at 1,000+ pages... we'll have to see, haha. What I really want to read is Pride and Prejudice and Zombies haha. It seems really clever and funny. We'll see.
Oh! I also bought a new guitar on Friday. My old one was falling apart, and I was afraid to play him. The bridge was lifting, which for you non guitar-speakers, means that the wooden part that holds the strings on to the body of the guitar is starting to give way to the 300+ lbs of pressure exerted by the strings. It gives way all the way, and it'll rip off of the guitar with the force of... well... with a lot of force. I was starting to fear being smack in the face with the spring-action of the broken bridge, so I decided to go ahead and make a new investment. My new guitar is pretty. He's a vintage sunburst Epiphone PR150. I'll show you pics of that too :)
Otherwise, not much is up. I've been really into Hopes and Fears by the band Keane. If you don't know them, check them out. That album is awesome :)
That's all for now!
christina
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