So... I'm quite the Debbie Downer, eh? Haha. I knew how depressing those last few posts sounded while I was posting them, but I can't even reread them right now because they were so bad/difficult to stomach. I suppose I'm still partially there, though I think I've gotten used to it, so I'm not as whiny (hahahaha right). I haven't even posted since late July because I couldn't bring myself to dwell on the same tired subject again. So I will try not too... for now...
Not a lot has happened, really. I'm still debating the things I talked about last post... new jobs and all, but I'm not sure what I would do, or even when. Like I've said many times before, I would love to live in Charlotte, but I suppose that would depend on what jobs I could find. I'm not even sure if I still know what I want to do when I grow up. I'm not sure when this "growing up" is going to take place, unfortunately. In a little more than 2 months, I'll be able to rent a car. Will it happen then? I don't know.
The other option that I've been toying with since I was still in college getting my Bachelor's was going to grad school. Okay, so I go to grad school. Next question: what the heck do I study?! I tried to figure this out, but I've only ever come up with one thing that would pique my interest: creative writing. It would be something that I'd be interested in studying, and I could always teach with a degree like that, not to mention become better equipped to pen the elusive Great American Novel. Either way, it'd be something new for me to do, in the process of (hopefully) bettering myself and my station.
So, back when I first thought of this idea, I started doing some research on schools. UGA was supposed to have a pretty good program. My friend was also thinking of going this route through Hunter College in NYC. That one sounded pretty good (especially considering the dissertation was just a novel -- whether or not you ever finished it!). But I never really got any further than just debating programs. I would consider it off and on over the years, but last week I really started considering it again. I researched a few more schools: Columbia University, NYU, and The New School. I couldn't actually find the program on the Columbia website during my quickie search (talk about elite!), so I don't really know anything about it except that James Franco is currently enrolled (♥♥♥). NYU, while very enticing, is expensive as balls. Seriously, more money than I paid per year for undergrad! The New School program sounded pretty good actually. Lots of workshops, seminars, stuff of that nature. And the dissertation is something like 100 pages of a novel (EASY!), and a 20 page research paper on some topic related to your field of study, which in my case would be fiction. EASY! That sounds awesome to me! Aaaaand, it's only like $11k-ish for a 24-credit year.
The problem with that (and not to sound like a snob) is that I don't know if I would be happy with an MFA from The New School. That makes me feel horrible. It's an accredited institution, and it's been around for like 80 years. But I guess I just envisioned myself going someone a bit more prestigious. I think I have too high expectations. Because, really, there is NOTHING WRONG with The New School. I've actually considered going to the New School before (though I can't remember now for what). And, really, when I think about it, it wouldn't be so bad... I think the issue is that I'm trying to talk myself out of going, period. I don't have the money to pay out of pocket, and just thinking about filling out a FAFSA, or applying to financial aid gives me a serious case of the heebie-jeebies. Ugh. The learning, the school work, the commuting I can do. But when it comes to financial issues, I chicken out. I actually said to myself "Ah, you can just learn from experience!" Wow, way to be a downer, me.
So here I am. Still working, not matriculating, and still trying to figure out what I want to do "when I grow up." *Sigh* This is my quarter-life crisis, I guess.
