Writer's Block, Part 65

It has been entirely too long since I've written anything original. I was going strong for a while there, about a month ago, even managing to write 13 pages in like 5 hours one day. I don't think I've written anything since. It's totally bumming me out. I know all I have to do is just, oh I don't know, do it, haha. I just need to find the motivation.

See, the issue I'm having right now is that I've hit a slump in the story that I've been working on for a really long time now. I have a general idea of where I'm going, but I don't really have it mapped out scene-by-scene. I know everyone has their own style and writing process, but I'm starting to wonder if my method just isn't working for me anymore. I tend to meander my way through the plot, usually ending up somewhere totally off-track from where I intended. That's fine and all; it's part of the creative process, the journey. It happens. But sometimes I get so far off course, I have to back-track and rewrite. That already happened once. I'm now on the second version of this story. And the wall I've hit now is making me think I have to back the truck up again and rework some things. That's not a bad idea. Like I said, I understand that that's the writing process, but I'm losing steam. It's just frustrating in a totally trivial way. *Sigh*

So, I've been considering laying that one aside for the time, to stew a bit, and moving on to another piece I started last year for NaNoWriMo. I managed to make it to 50k words in November of last year, but I wasn't entirely satisfied with how it turned out. It wasn't even finished. I just sort of stopped because, once again, I had hit a wall. I love the characters; I fell in love with them immediately. And I like their situation, but I think my issue is with the way the narrative is told. The girl's point of view is told completely from her entries in an online diary that she keeps. The guy's point of view is told entirely through conversations he has with his dog (he's not crazy; the dog doesn't talk back. It's more of a therapeutic thing, haha). I really love that concept, but I haven't quite figured it out enough so that it works really well. The blog part works alright, but the dog part reads kind of funny sometimes. It doesn't really work. I think it might work better if I also had a 3rd person omniscient view point, but I don't really want that. The point was originally to tell the story through these people in a way where the reader didn't get to see all their thoughts, which is why I approached it this way. People have a hard time admitting things about themselves if they have to say it out loud (or type it for the world to see). We're only ever close to 100% honest in our own heads (though, even then we may not be honest with ourselves). Maybe I'll just switch it to normal first person, like an inner monologue, but try to reign in the stream of consciousness. I'm good at that... which is why I wanted to switch it up and not do that.

I don't know. Maybe I'll try it that way for a while, see how it works out... I'm excited to try again. Now I just have to find the time...

Waterlogged

I don't know why or what's going on, but I am currently suffering an all-consuming thirst. Maybe it was the honey mustard on my sandwich. Maybe it was the ultra-delicious pickle I had on the side. But something about my lunch fucked me up, and now I can't stop drinking water. It's driving me nuts. In a little over an hour, I've had somewhere around 32 oz of water. Maybe that's not a lot; I don't know. But my stomach surely feels like it is. All that water sloshing around and making me uncomfortable.

Is this ever going to stop?!

And now my Nalgene is empty again. The thought of another really cold refill not only sounds delicious and refreshing, but also nauseous-making and ill-advised. The water feels so good pouring into my belly, but once it's there... I don't know if I'm going to bet able to waddle to the bathroom when or if my body starts processing it.

Maybe if I regularly drank more water, I wouldn't feel like I am ODing. As it is, I need to curl into a ball.

*shrug* Just felt like I should share -- you know, since I'm trying to be in the spirit of sharing the mundane details again...

Let's Try This Again...

Wow, I am really bad at this whole journal-keeping thing. I blame the internets. No, really, I do. I think I've expounded a bit on this before. It's so easy to be involved in things -- blogs, social networking sites, Twitter, etc, -- it can get quite distracting. So, once again I have let this blog sort of lapse into the blackhole that is the World Wide Web (wow, when's the last time you hear someone refer to it as that? haha).

Anywho, once again, I suppose I was feeling a little nostalgic, so I decided to go peruse my old livejournal, and re-realized that I was so free with that one, writing about my everyday life like it was actually interesting. I really need to start doing that again. I did that here once too. I need to stop trying so hard. "I'm just cataloging my life," I'll have to tell myself, as a meager motivation to write something. So I revamped this blog again, changed the colors and layout. I figured maybe if I change up the way it looks, I'll be more willing to look at it, and thereby, more willing to write on it. We'll see. Again.

God, I hate that I'm so bad at this. I wish that my life was something interesting, something worth reading: a doctor, an exchange student studying abroad and documenting my experiences, something. Instead, I am a (reluctant) young professional, living in New Jersey, wishing I lived in Charlotte, wishing I did something that I was really proud of, wishing I made more money so that maybe I'd have the freedom to do something that I was really proud of. Not yet, though, I guess. It's not in my cards for the immediate future. So maybe this can be a catalog of me struggling to attempt that. That's pretty much what it's been so far. Why not continue, with a renewed effort? I think I will. I'll try at least.

So, that's it in a nutshell. Welcome. This is my pitiful, wasted life.