I started writing an entry here back in May, but I could never quite finish it. I couldn't figure out quite what I was trying to say or exactly how to say it. But I recently wrote an essay (more of a memoir really, but oh well) at helium.com, and it sums up a lot of what I was going to talk about in my post. So, you can visit there to read it.
And feel free to read my other articles too! The more you read, the more money I earn. So far $1.08! haha
Essays: Saying goodbye
Thursday, October 02, 2008
Sunday, August 10, 2008
Any suggestions?
And three months later, I reappear. That seems to be the typical pattern around here. I just wish that I actually could disappear for three months at a time. The sad truth is that I have been here all along; I just haven't had anything to say. I started writing a post a couple months ago, but gave up and saved it as a draft. About a month later, I came back to it, wrote a bit more, but then gave up again. It's still there, sitting as a draft, but I don't now how to finish it. That also seems to be the typical pattern around here. I work toward something, and then I just let it go.
I've noticed that more and more often I'm forgetting things. I forget what I'm doing or the things I wanted to do. I forget to write emails and make phone calls. I forget to deposit money and pay bills. I forget that I've been wearing the same shirt since yesterday. I forget to brush my hair. I'm becoming a senile old woman and I'm still 71 days shy of my 23rd birthday.
I'm not creative anymore. I can't write. I can't bring myself to create anything new. I can't think. It's like my creativity has left my body. I don't know when it's going to come back, but I desperately wish it would. I want to be able to create something new. I want to create and sell and make some money. I want a hobby again. But every time I indulge in something that used to be a hobby, I feel guilty about it. Like I shouldn't be doing it. I shouldn't be reading; I shouldn't be writing. Aren't there more important things that I should be doing? Like finding a job?
Oh, I'm trying, but nothing has happened yet. I'm beginning to think that my years-old joke is actually true: I'm terminally unhireable. For whatever reason. No one wants me to work for them. There's something about me that employers don't like. I haven't quite figured out what it is though. I've had interviews, but they always end up with the same shit: "We agree that you are very qualifed, and we would like you to work here... but we're not able to offer you a position at this time" or something like that. You can't offer me a position? Then why the fuck did you waste your time interviewing me, huh? Someone needs to give me a job before I do something drastic.
I think another big part of the problem is that I'm in Jersey. I hate Jersey. I always have. If I could do college over again, I probably wouldn't pick Seton Hall. It sucks because I wouldn't have met the great people that I met, but maybe I'd actually have a job now. Or maybe I wouldn't have student loans. Or maybe I would be happy and things would have just turned out differently. I wish I lived in Charlotte. I want to move back almost as much as I want my creativity back. I want things to be the same as they were before, but I know that's not realistic.
I miss everyone from my previous life. There are some great people in the one I have now, but it's the life I don't want, not the people. I want my old one back, and all the people that come with it. I want to go on a vacation, but my bank account and unemployment status are seeing to it that I can't. I just want things to be different. I think the reason that I've been living in my new apartment/house for 2 months already but still haven't unpacked all my stuff is that I wish I wasn't here. I don't know what to do anymore.
I've noticed that more and more often I'm forgetting things. I forget what I'm doing or the things I wanted to do. I forget to write emails and make phone calls. I forget to deposit money and pay bills. I forget that I've been wearing the same shirt since yesterday. I forget to brush my hair. I'm becoming a senile old woman and I'm still 71 days shy of my 23rd birthday.
I'm not creative anymore. I can't write. I can't bring myself to create anything new. I can't think. It's like my creativity has left my body. I don't know when it's going to come back, but I desperately wish it would. I want to be able to create something new. I want to create and sell and make some money. I want a hobby again. But every time I indulge in something that used to be a hobby, I feel guilty about it. Like I shouldn't be doing it. I shouldn't be reading; I shouldn't be writing. Aren't there more important things that I should be doing? Like finding a job?
Oh, I'm trying, but nothing has happened yet. I'm beginning to think that my years-old joke is actually true: I'm terminally unhireable. For whatever reason. No one wants me to work for them. There's something about me that employers don't like. I haven't quite figured out what it is though. I've had interviews, but they always end up with the same shit: "We agree that you are very qualifed, and we would like you to work here... but we're not able to offer you a position at this time" or something like that. You can't offer me a position? Then why the fuck did you waste your time interviewing me, huh? Someone needs to give me a job before I do something drastic.
I think another big part of the problem is that I'm in Jersey. I hate Jersey. I always have. If I could do college over again, I probably wouldn't pick Seton Hall. It sucks because I wouldn't have met the great people that I met, but maybe I'd actually have a job now. Or maybe I wouldn't have student loans. Or maybe I would be happy and things would have just turned out differently. I wish I lived in Charlotte. I want to move back almost as much as I want my creativity back. I want things to be the same as they were before, but I know that's not realistic.
I miss everyone from my previous life. There are some great people in the one I have now, but it's the life I don't want, not the people. I want my old one back, and all the people that come with it. I want to go on a vacation, but my bank account and unemployment status are seeing to it that I can't. I just want things to be different. I think the reason that I've been living in my new apartment/house for 2 months already but still haven't unpacked all my stuff is that I wish I wasn't here. I don't know what to do anymore.
Thursday, May 01, 2008
And the Writing Continues!
Wow, I haven't written here in a long time. But apparently I've been writing elsewhere, haha. Yeah, I've been adding to my account over there at Helium.com. I wrote another one yesterday. It's currently #55 out of 223. Yesterday it was 43. I don't know what's going on. I thought it was pretty good, haha. Oh well, maybe in time people will come to their senses.
But meanwhile, you can judge for yourself!
What is your favorite band and why?
Enjoy! (or you can just create traffic to my page, haha)
But meanwhile, you can judge for yourself!
What is your favorite band and why?
Enjoy! (or you can just create traffic to my page, haha)
Friday, March 28, 2008
Write on!
As you may or may not have noticed, I've been posting links to various articles around myspace and facebook. I hope you've been reading them... especially since I wrote them, haha.
That's right! I have been writing articles for a website. It's really more of an online portfolio than a blog or anything like that, but the point of the website is to attract attention to my work (perhaps even from publishers and potential employers!). That's what people around the site are saying. One guy even said that he got a job offer because of the work he had in his online portfolio. Thus, I have begun to write.
If you think you'd be interested in doing it too, let me know and I'll send you an invite link!
Oh yeah, and I do get paid, but it's not that much money. I pretty much just get some ad revenue. Nothing big. So far I've earned $0.01! Hahaha. So you should go read my articles and maybe click on links to make them think you're interested... that way I can get more money, haha.
And if you know anyone who needs some writing done... maybe direct them to my stuff! :)
Thanks and enjoy!
My 'About Me' page
1) The Island on the TV series Lost
2) Songs that pump you up in the gym
3) TV series with the best finales
4) Guide to the characters of The Office
That's right! I have been writing articles for a website. It's really more of an online portfolio than a blog or anything like that, but the point of the website is to attract attention to my work (perhaps even from publishers and potential employers!). That's what people around the site are saying. One guy even said that he got a job offer because of the work he had in his online portfolio. Thus, I have begun to write.
If you think you'd be interested in doing it too, let me know and I'll send you an invite link!
Oh yeah, and I do get paid, but it's not that much money. I pretty much just get some ad revenue. Nothing big. So far I've earned $0.01! Hahaha. So you should go read my articles and maybe click on links to make them think you're interested... that way I can get more money, haha.
And if you know anyone who needs some writing done... maybe direct them to my stuff! :)
Thanks and enjoy!
My 'About Me' page
1) The Island on the TV series Lost
2) Songs that pump you up in the gym
3) TV series with the best finales
4) Guide to the characters of The Office
Friday, March 14, 2008
The Worlds of Others
There's nothing more enjoyable to me than being able to lose myself in a narrative, whether in print or film. I love meeting characters and learning their troubles and being with them as they try to find their way out. Now, I've seen countless movies and television shows. Some are better at creating an escape for me than others, but there's nothing like realizing you're having a physical reaction to something someone else has created.
I've mentioned this kind of empathy before, but there is something astonishing about someone creating a fictional character who experiences something that instills you in the same emotion, albeit perhaps a little diluted, they are feeling.
This is nothing knew. We've all seen sad movies that make us cry, horror films that make us scared, and comedies that make us laugh. But I saw a movie last night that had a scene that renewed my faith in screenwriters and made me realize film writing is a fucking art form.
If you have never seen The Last King of Scotland, you should really consider renting it. It's an entertaining story of a young Scotsman who leaves his home to lend his medical help to the a small village in Uganda. While there he "saves" the new President's life and is hired as his personal physician. For some strange reason, the fact that he is his doctor automatically makes him his "closest advisor" as well. 
Anyway, long story short (and to maybe ruin the ending... about which I'm sorry)... things don't quite work out the way the Scotsman had planned, and he has to flee the country. For the last 20-30ish minutes, he tries to escape death and the scary scary President Amin (a.k.a. Forrest "I Never Wanna Get On His Bad Side Either" Whitaker).
Watching this scene, my heart was racing. Was he going to get away? What if they find out he escaped? What if they kill more people? What if they catch him and try to kill him (again)? WTF am I going to do if that happens?
I know that it is just a movie and nothing was going to happen to me for watching it, but that scene creates such great tension, I didn't know what to do. I couldn't breathe; I was on the verge of panic. Those final flashback moments of the movie were when I could finally breathe again and everything was OK. Before that, I was being held prisoner just like the doctor. The story, the writer made me part of it. The writing for that scene had been intense. THAT is the kind of writing that makes me forget about my own life and become trapped in the world of others.
Whether fiction or not, being able to feel the same emotion is the only way to truly understand someone else. And the writers who can successfully pull this off are masters of character, of people. And these scenes should be noted by us all. Because knowing people is the best way, the only way to really exist (and maybe make a difference) in this world.
Sorry if this was kind of heavy, but you know how it is sometimes...
I've mentioned this kind of empathy before, but there is something astonishing about someone creating a fictional character who experiences something that instills you in the same emotion, albeit perhaps a little diluted, they are feeling.
This is nothing knew. We've all seen sad movies that make us cry, horror films that make us scared, and comedies that make us laugh. But I saw a movie last night that had a scene that renewed my faith in screenwriters and made me realize film writing is a fucking art form.
If you have never seen The Last King of Scotland, you should really consider renting it. It's an entertaining story of a young Scotsman who leaves his home to lend his medical help to the a small village in Uganda. While there he "saves" the new President's life and is hired as his personal physician. For some strange reason, the fact that he is his doctor automatically makes him his "closest advisor" as well. Anyway, long story short (and to maybe ruin the ending... about which I'm sorry)... things don't quite work out the way the Scotsman had planned, and he has to flee the country. For the last 20-30ish minutes, he tries to escape death and the scary scary President Amin (a.k.a. Forrest "I Never Wanna Get On His Bad Side Either" Whitaker).Watching this scene, my heart was racing. Was he going to get away? What if they find out he escaped? What if they kill more people? What if they catch him and try to kill him (again)? WTF am I going to do if that happens?
I know that it is just a movie and nothing was going to happen to me for watching it, but that scene creates such great tension, I didn't know what to do. I couldn't breathe; I was on the verge of panic. Those final flashback moments of the movie were when I could finally breathe again and everything was OK. Before that, I was being held prisoner just like the doctor. The story, the writer made me part of it. The writing for that scene had been intense. THAT is the kind of writing that makes me forget about my own life and become trapped in the world of others.
Whether fiction or not, being able to feel the same emotion is the only way to truly understand someone else. And the writers who can successfully pull this off are masters of character, of people. And these scenes should be noted by us all. Because knowing people is the best way, the only way to really exist (and maybe make a difference) in this world.
Sorry if this was kind of heavy, but you know how it is sometimes...
Friday, March 07, 2008
Will Work for Food... and a Reasonable Salary
Damn, it has been so long since I've written anything here. The last thing I wrote wasn't even a real post. It was a post telling you to check out another post on another blog. I guess I haven't really been taking time to stop and think about my life. At least not long enough or in convenient enough places to put any words down into this word document.
I'm about to turn into an unemployed twenty-something college graduate, and I have no idea what I'm going to do. Unfortunately, the procrastinator in me is telling me that it's fine... I'll be able to find something... don't worry so much. But then the anal-retentive worrier in me is panicking. I, of course, have been siding mostly with the procrastinator. It's what I do best.
I have to find a job. I have been looking, but I haven't really applied anywhere. In my industry, I can pretty much work from anywhere. This means that I can pretty much take any job I find or am offered. Problem is, I'm afraid to apply to just any job because I'm afraid of where I will be living. I don't want to live in fucking Idaho. I don't really want to live in the Midwest. I've been considering this, and I think that if I lived in the middle of the country I would go crazy. The only logical explanation I can think of is that I would fee claustrophobic.
I know what you're thinking. How is that logical? Well, if I live on a coast, East or West, then at least I have the ocean to escape to. If I lived in a landlocked state, then I'd have only more land to escape to. I know that sounds kind of silly, but it's significant to me. I want to stay on the East coast, but if I find a good job that's going to pay me an assload of money, then I will move to the West. I don't know. I'd rather stay over here.
But still, where will I live. I suppose I should have a job before I get an apartment as the little money I have will probably go fast. But what job am I going to have? Where is my job going to be? Should I move to a place I want to live, or try to find a job somewhere first? There are so many opportunities in NYC, but it's so expensive to live around here. I would be so comfortable living in Charlotte, but where would I work? Hell, I'll move to Georgia... but what will I do?
Sometimes the amount of logistics I have to contemplate make me crazy. I don't know what to do with myself anymore.
Any suggestions?
I'm about to turn into an unemployed twenty-something college graduate, and I have no idea what I'm going to do. Unfortunately, the procrastinator in me is telling me that it's fine... I'll be able to find something... don't worry so much. But then the anal-retentive worrier in me is panicking. I, of course, have been siding mostly with the procrastinator. It's what I do best.
I have to find a job. I have been looking, but I haven't really applied anywhere. In my industry, I can pretty much work from anywhere. This means that I can pretty much take any job I find or am offered. Problem is, I'm afraid to apply to just any job because I'm afraid of where I will be living. I don't want to live in fucking Idaho. I don't really want to live in the Midwest. I've been considering this, and I think that if I lived in the middle of the country I would go crazy. The only logical explanation I can think of is that I would fee claustrophobic.
I know what you're thinking. How is that logical? Well, if I live on a coast, East or West, then at least I have the ocean to escape to. If I lived in a landlocked state, then I'd have only more land to escape to. I know that sounds kind of silly, but it's significant to me. I want to stay on the East coast, but if I find a good job that's going to pay me an assload of money, then I will move to the West. I don't know. I'd rather stay over here.
But still, where will I live. I suppose I should have a job before I get an apartment as the little money I have will probably go fast. But what job am I going to have? Where is my job going to be? Should I move to a place I want to live, or try to find a job somewhere first? There are so many opportunities in NYC, but it's so expensive to live around here. I would be so comfortable living in Charlotte, but where would I work? Hell, I'll move to Georgia... but what will I do?
Sometimes the amount of logistics I have to contemplate make me crazy. I don't know what to do with myself anymore.
Any suggestions?
Wednesday, January 02, 2008
Top 10 Albums Posted!
Dear Faithful Readers,
Every year I compile my list of the top 10 albums I have purchased or otherwise aquired over the past year. And it is my pleasure to announce that my Top 10 (Purchased or Otherwise Acquired) Albums of 2007 is up on Play Your Stereo Loud.
I'm sorry it's long, but hopefully you'll read it, agree/disagree with it and maybe discuss it there. And maybe, just maybe you'll be enticed to try out some music for yourself.
Happy reading!
Love,
Christina
Every year I compile my list of the top 10 albums I have purchased or otherwise aquired over the past year. And it is my pleasure to announce that my Top 10 (Purchased or Otherwise Acquired) Albums of 2007 is up on Play Your Stereo Loud.
I'm sorry it's long, but hopefully you'll read it, agree/disagree with it and maybe discuss it there. And maybe, just maybe you'll be enticed to try out some music for yourself.
Happy reading!
Love,
Christina
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)