November Blues

So, I realize that it's been like a month. I'm really bad at updating this thing. It's really a shame. I could update this more frequently, but this semester has been a total energy and time eater. I have no idea how it's already November. October came and went, and I barely remember it. And where the hell did September go? I've been trying to take like one day at a time, but they're still slipping away. I'm not an alcoholic or anything, but I figured if I can go one day without breaking down (which doesn't happen that often), then I can get through this stress and I can make it out alive.

I've realized that's what I really want. I just want to make it out of college alive.

It's my last year. This should be fun, but all I feel is depressed and stressed out. There are a million things I have to do before I go. Also, I have recently realized (and blogged about over the summer), I don't think I'm ready to enter the real world. The prospect of having to get an apartment and get a job and pay for my own health insurance and bills scares me to freaking death. I've desperately wanted all this for the past four years, but now that it's imminent, I don't know what I'm going to do with myself.

Also, I think my parents may move. This is a BIG deal. No, it's not really that big a deal, but my parents have lived in the same house since I was 4 (minus the year or so we lived in the apartment). We lived there when I started school, and it's always been the home I've gone to when on break from college. I'd say like 90% of my childhood memories are at that house, and now they may be moving.


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My dad may be getting a job in Raleigh. We have to wait and see, but if he does, that's a 3 hour commute, and that ain't happening. So they'd have to move. Which means that my permanent address is going to change (though i'm going to have to get one of my own soon anyway). So now when I go "home" I'm going to be 3 hours from my friends and my memories. And it's funny that in the midst of being afraid of being away from friends and memories... my brain also found it necessary to note how far I'd be from Manifest... I <3 Manifest...

There's something wrong with me...