A Change of Scenery, Or How I'll End Up Living in Europe Before I Realize What's Happened

Lately I've been overcome with the urgent need to run away. Not just running away and never looking back. More like strategic disappearing. All my important contacts would know where to find me and how to contact me, but life as I know it in New Jersey would be gone, a thing of the past. I guess what I'm saying is that I'm in almost desperate need of a change of scenery. This isn't the first time this has happened.

I suppose the first time this happened, I was 18 years old. I was graduating high school soon, and I was tasked with choosing myself a college. Six years later, I realize I made the horrible mistake of applying to only one school (albeit, I did agonize over which schools to apply to, and instead of casting a wide net -- which would have been BETTER -- I went for only a select few. And ultimately only one). I got accepted, and was even given scholarship money. And the kicker? It was in New Jersey, a cool 600 miles away from home in North Carolina. In New Jersey I would never again have to see anyone from high school if I didn't want to. In New Jersey, I could reinvent myself, become my own person, find my own way. In New Jersey, I'd be close to New York City, the city of my dreams, the city that would offer me everything I ever wanted, the city that would probably chew me up, spit me out, but enjoy the taste so much, it'd invite me back in and we'd have a laugh. New Jersey was the answer to everything.

I realize now how naive I was. It's true I haven't seen people from high school unless I want to, and I suppose I have reinvented myself in a way. I'm a bit more outgoing, loud, opinionated -- typical NY/NJ area (I've even picked up a bit of an accent *groan*). I guess it's also true that I've become my own person, and I've kind of found my own way. I have a job and an apartment, and don't live with my parents. That all is true. It's the rest of it, the promises this all implied that's lacking and leaving me feeling unfulfilled. I suppose I should have realized that it wouldn't be easy, but I haven't just sat back and waited for it all to happen to me. I've tried; I've worked hard; I've put myself out there. Maybe it's the bad economy, or maybe I'm just a victim of bad timing. Or maybe what I've been looking for isn't here.

That's where the running away comes in. For months now, I've been longing to escape somewhere, to go on a prolonged vacation. Preferably somewhere I've never been before. I never got the opportunity to travel abroad for a year or so after college, just sowing my wild oats before I settled down and got a job. I searched for months after graduation for a job, finally landing one 4 months later. I've been at that job ever since. My 2-year anniversary just passed, actually, and I'm exhausted. I am so tired. Or maybe I'm just bored. I need to see something new. I need to do something new. I want to live somewhere new. Jag vill flytta till Sverige. Ich will nach Deutschland verlagern. I want to move to England.

If you're not careful, I might start looking for jobs in one of those places. That'd be a helluva change. Great, now I'm giving myself ideas...